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All aboard! The Hogwarts Express, bearing no traces of the bloodshed it has seen, leaves King's Cross Station on September 1st. Another school year begins. Students nervously return to Hogwarts' hallowed halls, while parents linger beside windows, awaiting the first owls home from their children to report that all is well. Trouble brews under London as tension rises to the surface. One thing everyone knows? The long days of summer are over.


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» Book #218, Ciaran's Extensive Notes
Ciaran Eversley
 Posted: Apr 11 2018, 12:37 AM
Merel is Offline
26 years old



Ciaran's notes in notebook 218, written in blue pen


*C: TIME means completed at the time stated

[dohtml]<div class="n-site-template">
<h3>DATE (C: TIME)</h3>

<br>-[color=#17c511]Days since the last Nightmare: ? [/color]
Ciaran Eversley
 Posted: Apr 11 2018, 01:35 AM
Merel is Offline
26 years old



Monday 7th June 2021 (C: 9.53pm)

-I had another nightmare.
-It is 2.37am
-This is the dream:
-I am leaning over a faceless person
-I have my wand in hand
-Wand is pointed right at them, poised for spellcasting
-I am ready to kill them
-In my mind, they had hurt Amon
-Before I can kill them two people grabbed me
-They were the researchers
-I can hear ma’s sweet, poisonous words
-“Ciaran, come here, sweetheart. Leave them alone. You’re needed over here.”
-I am being dragged into the brain room.
-I can see Amon already in the tank
-My heart hammers in my chest
-In the corner of the room, I can see corpses, bones- just so much death
-Murden den
-That’s what this is, a fucking murder den
-I yell at ma
-“What have you done to them? What the fuck is this?”
-I am scared, I am angry
-Ma replies, “Done to whom, darling?”
-I’m flabbergasted
-“The bodies? Those dead people!”
-Ma laughs sadly at me, shaking her head
-“There are no bodies here,” she says
-I am put into the tank with Amon
-I can see Ma taking notes
-What is she making notes about?
-I panic
-Is Amon alive?
-He isn’t moving
-I start to shake him
-I scream his name
-No movement
-I’m scared he’s dead
-He opens his eyes
-He screams
-But no sound comes out
-What have they done to him?
-That’s when I wake up
-Today is the first day back at work
-That has to be why I had a nightmare
-My mind is telling me no
-But everything else is screaming yes
-I need to go back to work
-I’m only going in for the afternoon
-Amon thought it best to try the afternoon first
-I agree
-I have to slowly return
-At least for today
-Already, I’m scared and tired.
-I have no idea what to expect.
-*Conclusion: I will see what happens.


-Breakfast was bananas on toast with yoghurt with tea.
-The tea was to help calm me down a little.


-The morning was spent going over old notes with a focus on work.
-Time passed too quickly.
-The alarm went off to alert me it was time to leave.
-I had to meet Amon for lunch at the Ministry.
-As I walked I felt the fear creep in with every step.
-I meet with Amon
-We sit down at a table
-Immediately my only focus is on our table.
-Nothing else matters.
-Amon and I talked
-I couldn’t eat lunch (salad)
-Fear had taken away my appetite
-I asked Amon if I had previously asked him if I was scared to go to work.
-The answer was yes.
-The answer terrifies me.
-I can’t stop.
-I love my work.
-I need it.
-Amon also couldn’t eat.
-Amon suggested that we ask ma to stop the experiment.
-I was conflicted.
-*Thought: I shouldn’t feel conflicted, should I?
-I couldn’t say anything.
-Amon understood. Said it was okay.
-I’m glad to have a brother like him.
-To change the subject he pulled out his parchment.
-He asked if I had mine.
-Of course, I had mine.
-It always practically attached to the tin.
-I told him that I didn’t know what I would do without him.
-He told me I would never be without him.
-But will I?
-He loves me. I love him.
-That should be enough but I don’t know if it is.
-I told him the truth of what I thought- that someday one of us has to die first.
-The conversation was split.
-Amon insisted that he would always be with me no matter what.
-I believe that in some way- he will always be a part of me. But… If he’s dead I’ll never be able to feel as I do when I’m with him.
-Amon next asked me not to leave him out there alone.
-The question broke my heart.
-I got a shiver down my spine.
-Just 7 simple words, articulated in the worst possible way.
-Amon needs me just as much as I need him.
-How can I support him if I can’t support myself?
-My answer: I told him I would try.
-I can’t ever promise anything.
-Not even to Amon.
-*I had a terrible thought: What if I didn’t make it out of the Department of Mysteries alive?
-It’s possible that one day I won’t make it home.
-I hate it.
-It scares me.
-It’s interesting to note, Amon told me I have more control than I think.
-I know he believes it’s the truth.
-I don’t.
-I’m so out of control.
-Far beyond change.
-The only control I have is remembering my name, these notes, picking out my clothes, and some of my ‘spare time activities’.
-There is no other control.
-I didn’t say anything.
-I didn’t want to tell Amon how out of control I felt.
-We moved on.
-Amon stood up.
-It indicated to me that it was time for work.
-Immediately the fear washed over me.
-My hands trembled.
-Amon told me I would be okay.
-Can he truly know that?
-He can believe it, but he can’t know.
-Amon walked me.
-It was comforting.
-I asked him to distract me.
-He did.
-By telling me he had found someone but it had ended.
-I concluded that he had not told me this while I was… out of commission.
-That is okay.
-I’m sad that it didn’t work.
-I told him that. How sorry I was.
-He told me he didn’t think he could be surprised.
-Amon deserves so much more than the shit he got.
-I do hope that one day it would turn around for him.
-He deserves so much love.
-I think… He also has to allow himself that.
-He has to allow himself to think he deserves it.
-From the way he talks about it, I don’t think he does believe it.
-Amon joked that I was the good twin.
-I don’t believe him.
-I don’t see us that way.
-I told him that he was good in a different way.
-That people who didn’t see that were ‘fucking stupid’.
-I asked him if he wanted me to scare some sense into the man.
-I think I was joking?
-I can’t be entirely certain.
-Truth of the matter? I would. I would do anything for him.
-The one positive (and ultimately horrifying) truth is that I wouldn’t remember the things I would do to people, anyway.
-It wouldn’t make a difference to me.
-Amon indulged the joke, of course.
-Before killing it by saying the man could tell them apart.
-It was a somber confession.
-The look that accompanied it told me everything that he wasn’t saying.
-It told me: I liked him. I thought it would be different this time.
-I could only place a hand on his shoulder.
-And give him a look back that said, ‘I know. I’m sorry. You’ll be okay.’
-By that point we had made it to the lift.
-As soon as I stepped into the lift my heart plummeted.
-I felt a little sick.
-I told myself everything would be fine.
-I grabbed Amon’s arm tightly.
-He told me he’d bumped into John Clearwater and called him a cunt to his face.
-The name brought up vague memories.
-I could feel a strong hatred in me.
-That was all I needed to know.
-I grinned at him and told him, ‘good’.
-Things get a bit blurry here.
-The fear made it hard to concentrate on what was happening.
-Amon got me to work.
-I didn’t let go of his arm until we stopped walking.
-We stood in front of the doors to the brain chamber.
-I almost begged him not to leave me alone.
-I stayed quiet.
-I hugged him.
-I walked through the doors without looking back, without a goodbye.
-I feel strangely at home.


-The fear went away while I worked.
-I was briefed on the changes that had occurred while I was away.
-Nothing major to discuss.
-I did a lot of reading and making notes.
-I had to restablish myself with the project.
-I was welcomed back with open arms.
-They seemed to have missed me.
-They’re eager for me to get back into the practical work.
-I told them to wait a little bit longer.
-They said it was okay.
-Now it is time to go home.
-Thank goodness.
-The place is giving me the creeps again.
-However, I feel revitalised.
-I had missed this.
-So much.
-It almost feels like an addiction….
-No. It’s work.


-When I left, I bumped into ma.
-She told me she was happy to see me again.
-I didn’t say anything.
-The smell of roses was too much.
-I almost gagged.
-I clenched my jaw.
-She grabbed my arm, right at the spot where I had grabbed onto Amon’s.
-I flinched and roughly grabbed her wrist, pulling her hand away from my arm, as if I had been burned by her touch.
-I didn’t look at her.
-I started walking.
-Her shouts stopped me.
-‘Look at me when you talk to me, Ciaran. You’re almost as bad as Amon!’
-I stopped and looked her right in the eyes, glaring at her. ‘Don’t. Do you ever wonder why he doesn’t look people in the eye?’
-Anger pushed me forward and I stood right in front of her, towering over her.
-I couldn’t believe I was doing this.
-I was losing control.
-She crossed her arms over her chest and glared back.
-*Note: Crossed arms usually indicate a defensive position.
-*Second note: I didn’t have my arms crossed.
-“That’s just who he is. We didn’t teach him otherwise.”
-“You broke him. You broke us. He can’t look at people because he’s afraid!”
-“You don’t seem to have a problem.” She shrugged off the truth.
-It made me even more angry.
-“I have my own problems. Now I’m going home. You’re lucky I didn’t do worse.”
-My voice was low, quiet, dangerous.
-Ma laughed. “You’re too much of a sweetheart to do anything to me. You’re a good boy.”
-She tried to touch my cheek.
-I turned and ran.
-I ran until I got home.
-When I got back I briefly questioned myself: was I supposed to meet Amon here or at the Ministry.
-I pulled out my parchment and told him I was home.
-I didn’t need him to worry.
-My arms itched.
-My left arm started to scratch at the right.
-Not enough to draw blood.
-The red against my skin looks so angry, just as I had felt.
-I’m sitting on the couch right now waiting for Amon to come home.


-Dinner was meatballs and spaghetti with a glass of water on the side.
-I wasn’t able to tell Amon if my day at work was good.
-I painted the nightmare in colours of black, white, and sky blue (that was compromised by the black)
-I don’t remember the nightmare but reading about it gave me the colours.
-I made a note to destroy it tomorrow.
-I did some reading; I read 35 pages.
-Made some notes on what I had read for the next time I read it.
-I enjoy it the book.
-*I just briefly looked back on those notes from earlier… I forgot about my interaction with Ma. Good. I didn’t want to explain to Amon anyway.
-Sleep time.
-I am so tired.
-*Days since the last Nightmare: 0

(OOC:Note: * indicates highlighted section in green)

Ciaran Eversley
 Posted: May 6 2018, 02:04 AM
Merel is Offline
26 years old



Sunday 6th June 2021 (C: 9.34pm)

-Breakfast as bananas on toast with some yoghurt on the side and a cup of orange juice
-I dressed in my grey slacks, burgundy socks, the white shirt with light blue horizontal stripes, and the grey jacket with that one green pocket.
-I told Amon my plan for today: to go to Diagon Alley with a detour first to take the route to work; by myself.
-Amon wasn’t happy.
-I convinced him that I needed to do this on my own.
-I got a little snappy, told him that I deserved to do it myself, that I shouldn’t need a babysitter.
-He eventually agreed.
-I reminded him I had the parchment that I could contact him with.
-I left the apartment feeling nervous, happy, and relieved.
-I said goodbye to Amon and waved at him.
-I made the walk to work today.
-It was easier than I thought it would be.
-I was prepared to forget.
-No. I didn’t forget.
-Thought: The Ministry has a special hold on me that it knows exactly what for information to provide me with
-The Ministry’s influence on me is smart.
-Or… That the neural pathways that remind me where to go aren’t damaged. The neural pathways are strong
-Though, the memory of how to walk somewhere is not as prominent a memory as something more specific and physical- is that why it is easier?
-The sun was out, the weather lovely
-Thought: When was the last time I had the sun on my skin?
-I made it into the main entrance to the Ministry.
-The smells were familiar.
-There was that subtle smell of parchment, of coffee, of the lemon scent they use in their cleaning products, and of shoe polish.
-They aren’t the smells I wanted to smell.
-My body wanted to re-energise myself with the smells of Level Nine
-I instantly felt the pull of work.
-My body wanted to go down there.
-I couldn’t go down there.
-I was suddenly scared.
-I had to leave.
-I left.
-I turned and walked out.
-I went to Diagon Alley instead.
-I visited Flourish & Blotts first.
-I took my time to scan the shelves.
-2 books were bought to add to my collection.
-A muggle classic
-The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson
-Lord Of The Flies by William Golding
-Woodrow told me that as far as he was aware I didn’t have either of those books.
-The idea that I have to ask others about whether I have a book or not at home fills me with both sadness and happiness.
-I’m grateful that people help.
-I’m sad that I have to rely on them.
-I had to go home after that.
-Question: When was the last time I had stepped foot in Diagon Alley?
-I was interrupted.
-While walking down the Alley I was stopped by a sight.
-A reflection of a woman.
-Her colours are what stopped me.
-Light pink, cream; light colours.
-It’s rare to see such colours.
-I was already intimidated.
-A little scared too, the white wasn’t quite mother but it was enough to remind me of her.
-The light colours speak of power and pristine.
-But also associated, now, with bold words and strong personality.
-Her voice called out to me.
-She threatened to break personal space.
-I hadn’t realised I had stared.
-How rude of me!
-I took a step backwards to get away from her.
-I was embarrassed.
-I almost bumped into someone.
-She snapped at the person who I had almost bumped into.
-Curious, when moments ago she was threatening me.
-She told me that I shouldn’t stare because ‘people will think you’re up to something nefarious’.
-Nefarious. A funny word.
-She asked the obvious questions, who are you and what do you want.
-Her next comment wasn’t normal.
-She asked me if I was planning on murdering her and dragging her to my ‘murder den’.
-It was a huge shock to me.
-For her to speak so bluntly about murder that way.
-Thought: The Department of Mysteries can be classified as a murder den.
-Amon and I died down there.
-Question: Would I be capable of murder?
-Answer: Maybe. Right now, no. I am fragile. But not outside the realm of possibility.
-Mina is her name.
-Her eyes are intense.
-A brown colour as if the sun was shining off a tree trunk.
-She looked at me and I was uncomfortable.
  • The depths of her eyes are endless.
  • I can’t know where they start and where they end.
  • Her eyebrows subtly furrow but perfectly shaped, thin and dangerous, the sharpest feature of her face.
  • You wouldn’t be able to pick out anything specific in those eyes.
  • Eyes that don’t speak.
  • But eyes that liked to pick up information.
  • She looked at me as though she were trying to figure me out.

  • -Her hair black like a curtain in a dark room.
    -I told her that I was stopped by her colours, I was fascinated by them.
    -She thought I meant aura’s.
    -A fair assumption but a wrong one.
    -I explained in depth as best I could.
    -She asked me what her colours said about her.
    -No one had ever asked me that before.
    -I was taken aback, but ultimately amazed.
    -I told her her light colours spoke of power, pristine, and intimidation; while her black hair spoke of power and intimidation.
    -I asked her if she were those things.
    -Conclusion: She looked away from me. She had to clear her throat. But told me she was those things.
    -I was right.
    -Maybe I will remember those colours.
    -After an awkward silence she asked me what my own colours represented.
    -My answer: Green: sick, anchoring and stability. Grey: uncertain, dull, insecure (a broken colour, but they are thoughts I kept to myself). White with blue (the striped shirt): open, intelligent, sad, quiet.
    -Another question no one had asked before.
    -Interesting thoughts about Mina:
  • She likes asking questions that no one else has.
  • While seemingly strong and independent, the thought that someone had figured her out scares her (note the way she looked away from me when I told her what her colours said).
  • She likes to walk on the right side (strange how easy it was to fall into this pattern).
  • Her posture softened partway through the interaction. (Why?)
  • She talked to me with both a soft but judging tone. (Why?)

  • -Mina asked to ‘walk and talk’ (What funny slang)
    -I agreed that we could
    -The first thing she asked me: “Where do you live?”
    -Before I could answer her...
    -She almost tripped over the stone with her high heels
    -I reached out to help her without thinking about it- instinct from years of trying to hold onto Amon I suppose
    -She was capable of straightening herself up
    -I took my hand back
    -I was embarrassed that I had tried to react by helping her out
    -She told me that I didn’t see anything
    -I agreed
    -I will forget soon even after writing this in
    -(Sorry Mina…)
    -Why am I apologising? She’s never going to read this.
    -The next thing she asked me: “Do you like games?”
    -A strange question to ask someone.
    -I told her that I haven’t always been into games but that I also haven’t had the opportunity.
    -It wasn’t as if I was a normal kid, right? So I don’t remember playing many games.
    -I did have a vague idea that Amon and I played games down in the DoM
    -They were probably part of some experiment
    -I then asked her what she had in mind. I wanted to know.
    -Her answer: A race.
    -The stakes: Drinks.
    -I am not a runner.
    -I suck.
    -She won.
    -Drinks were on me.
    -I don’t know if I will ever see her again.
    -I don’t know if I will remember her.
    -But it’s safe to say she is an interesting woman.
    -I got home just before dinner.

    -Dinner was pad thai.
    -After dinner events included re-reading notes from when I was ‘sick’.
    -A terrible thing to do.
    -I was so sad.
    -I didn’t cry, but almost.
    -Let’s hope I sleep okay tonight.
    -Work in the afternoon.
    -I’m scared.
    -Am I ready to go back?
    -Will I be suffocated and torn apart there?
    -I will find out.
    -Days since the last Nightmare: 7
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